Conflict at work is a given. The way you view conflict and the way you react to it are choices.

Unfortunately, this cartoon drawing accurately reflects the way conflicts are played out in many organizations. People end up attacking each other instead of keeping the focus on the difference that is the substance of the conflict.

The same thing is all too common in many other areas of our society, some of which are highly visible such as politics. Differences in the preferences people have and differences in the way they view things lead to personal attacks instead of productive efforts to resolve the differences in a mutually beneficial way. There's another characteristic of our cultural that comes into play here. We value winning and put winners on a pedestal, while losing is devalued and looked down on—no matter how well the loser performed.

It's understandable why so many people are uncomfortable in conflict situations. They don't want to become embroiled in a fight that has a good likelihood of becoming personal. They don't want to win at any cost, but they also don't want to lose either, so they try to avoid engaging in conflict at all.

There are others who welcome conflict as a chance to engage in combat and win over others. They often go out of their way to create conflict when there are no real differences to warrant it.

Both of these ways of viewing conflict make the same incorrect assumption, namely, that whenever differences occur, there will inevitably be a winner and a loser. Both are also extremely unproductive from an organizational point of view.

It is crucial to help people learn to deal productively with differences. They can be the source of learning and creativity. They can be a vehicle for building relationships instead of tearing them down.

A strength of Practical Lessons is helping people develop a win-win mindset and a degree of ease in dealing with differences as they arise.

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