What is Your Self-Image?
James Vaughan, Ph.D.
Answering that question is a lot more complicated than looking in a mirror. The real issue is, how do you think of yourself? Are you assertive and confident or retiring and uncertain? Are you athletically inclined or too lacking in physical coordination to be an active participant? Are you creative? A good problem-solver? Are you socially skilled?
Ever since you were born you’ve been constructing your self-image. It’s probably the most important construction project you’ll ever undertake. The reason is simple. What you think of yourself determines what you will try and what you can do. If you think you’re “no good with numbers” you may not even try to balance your checkbook and even if you try you may not give yourself a fair chance to succeed.
If you think you’re not likable, you’re not likely to try to initiate friendships. And when others invite you, you have difficulty accepting their invitations at face value. You suspect they feel sorry for you or they want something particular in return.
A lot of people have helped you in the construction of your self-image. The problem is, they didn’t always have your interest at heart. Every interaction you’ve had with others and every experience you’ve had with your environment has provided you with raw material for your picture of yourself.
Unfortunately, the foundation for this most important construction was laid during the first six years of your life—before you had the breadth of experience and judgment to make a realistic assessment of the raw materials others were giving you. You used what you were given. You had no way of knowing that the stuff you got often had a lot more to do with the self-images of your parents than with your potential. When you’re 3 feet tall in a world of 6 footers, you don’t question what they give you—you just take it.
Fortunately, you’re not stuck with your self-image. It is modifiable. You can delete parts that are inaccurate—that don’t reflect your true potential, and you can add dimensions that you haven’t attended to in the past. The key is to be yourself—not what you think others want you to be.
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